It was awards time last week. The prize for the best potential money-saving idea went to son number one, who, as I have mentioned before, has been caught drinking at school – Vodka and Red Bull, to be precise, in advance of a Saturday night social.

This is a regular event, I am sure unique to British society, when scores of girls from some fee-paying school are bussed in to be subjected to the likes of son number one and his mates, while their teachers patrol the room breaking up any overt exchange of bodily fluids. The thought of this would be enough to drive anyone to drink, but in his case it was a second offence and, if he is caught again, he may well be on his way to saving Mr M and me £7,000 a term.